Trash-Talking 101

Most sports have elements of trash-talking in them. Professional basketball and football players are notorious for it, and amateur athletes can get into it as well. Sadly, even kids aren’t immune to it, as I’ve already heard a few zingers while coaching Sean’s hockey or baseball team. It’s inevitable, because sport breeds competition. And competitors are often looking for any edge they can gain on their opponent.

It’s sometimes entertaining (Kobe and MJ), often offensive (Sean Avery), even scary (Mike Tyson) and usually humourous (Charles Barkley and Geroy Simon).

But regardless of the quality or quantity of the trash-talk, you must be able to back it up.

For better or worse, trash-talking has found its way into some of the Imoo boy competitions at home. Thankfully, the majority of the time it’s harmless and downright funny. Earlier tonight, just before the start of our nightly hockey game, I put on my best announcer voice and (while pointing at skinny Jacob) proclaimed:

“Introducing first, the boy who is missing meat!” (Sarcastic cheers from Daddy).

Then, I turned my attention to Sean: “His teammate is the boy with the missing teeth!” (More sarcastic cheers from Daddy).

It wasn’t my best work ever, but it rhymed and I was proud of myself nonetheless. Maybe too proud, as I wasn’t prepared for the verbal onslaught I got back.

“Introducing the guy with no hair!”

“Their opponent is the guy with the big stomach and big butt!”

“He’s the guy with holes in his head!” (a reference to my recent staph infection).

“He only knows how to cook Ichiban!” (a reference to my inability to cook anything besides instant noodles).

Ouch! Needless to say, the shenanigans paved the way for a very spirited game. Ultimately, I lost per usual, bringing my record to a likely 2 wins and 158 losses.

So much for backing my trash-talk up!


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